Russell Twyce

The Attack of the Sock-Puppet Politicians

Political Satire Play by Russell Twyce

Act One – Scene One

Scene opens in a boardroom caucus meeting where all the attendees are in business suits and each has a sock over their head.

Black With one button eye and a toe-hole: Says to a thick warm Argyle: – “That’s a nice Argyle pattern that you have there.”

Argyle: Looks around as if trying to see who said it – “Who is that? I can’t see a damn thing.”

Black with toe-hole: Puts a hand on Argyle’s face to indicate his position: “I’m the elected incumbent for the a riding in Toronto. I can see a bit through my right eye. I don’t know if the hole is from a toe-nail or where a button tore away.”

Argyle: “I was elected in Alberta. My sock is thick, itchy and it smells like someone last wore it a mukluk while in a snowshoe race.”

Black with hole: “My sock reeks of stale foot sweat too but that’s still a small price to pay for the cushy jobs we have.”

Argyle: Looking around in futility to a sound of shuffling: “What is happening?”

Black with hole: “Shush! Our party leader has just arrived for the caucus meeting.”

Leader: Steps up to the podium. He clumsily adjusts the microphone with his hands swaddled in a pair of sock puppets. “I welcome to my loyal party members.”

There is a splattering of applause. Black Toe-Hole is clapping but Argyle isn’t.

Leader: After a moment pause: “For those of you who can’t see the teleprompter, it says applaud now.” He smiles as the assembly cheers and hoots, as if spontaneously. “That’s better and from now on, those of you who have a peep hole must nudge the ones who are totally blind. The socks you are wearing have been carefully selected for you. Party members that have proved their willingness to follow blindly and toe the line will receive the perks of wear holes and periodic laundering.”

Black with toe-hole: Elbows Argyle sharply in the ribs: “Clap and whistle!”

Sound Effect and group action: Thunderous approval.

Leader: Sock wrapped hands in the air: “Thank you! Thank you!”

Cheering slowly dies out.

Leader: “As you’re doubtlessly aware from your mandatory viewing of the party run media, this past year’s electioneering has been costly. Our sponsors had to pay out more money than expected because the sheep voters didn’t follow their instructions to return a majority government the last time out. Another election had to be called before the sponsors had been fully paid back in awards and government contracts.”

Leader’s Right Hand Puppet: Leader operates the mouth of his right hand sock so that it seems to speak: “Where are we going to get new money for the sponsors?”

Leader: Turns a head to talk to his hand: “Good question. The payouts and pocket-linings that comprised the economic action plan boondoggle have limited the cash we have to give out. So we have to get creative.”

Leader’s Left Hand Puppet: “And is that why we are all now wearing these smelly socks over out heads?”

Leader: Turns to the other side and answers his left hand’s question: “Precisely. The Sheep voters have been showing signs lately of not wanting to be sheep. The party leadership has decided that party members should lead the way back those halcyon days of utter public confidence. We will do that by having each party member wear their sock-puppet heads with pride.”

Argyle: “You don’t mean that we are supposed to keep these stinky things on after we leave this caucus meeting?”

Leader: Talking from one of his sock-puppet hands to the other: “We didn’t hear that. A sock puppet only speaks when a puppet master’s hand is in it.”

Black with a Toe-Hole: Sharply whispers to Argyle: “That was a stupid thing to say. The party is the reason why you were elected and you owe it complete loyalty.”

Leader: Talks again to all: “We’ll debate the new initiative later. Meanwhile, let’s all get out there and show off our political party socks with conviction!”

The teleprompter flashes the word ‘Applaud’ again and there is riotous cheering. The elected representatives rise while cheering then start trying to find the door. Some walk into walls because they can’t see where they are going.

Act One, Scene One Ends

[Note - Okay, this probably isn't my best work. LOL! I just had a cool idea for a title and did a tiny bit of work fleshing it out. Maybe I'll think more about the concept and do it up better.]