How to Pick Up Girls – The Offending Ploy

Again I’ll stress that for the best information on how to pick up girls, you really need to listen to a a true expert – like a girl who knows. My stories here are only for humorous entertainment and I DON’T recommend that you try these tactics. This section of my site contains mind control FICTION tales of how to pick up girls. Click this how to pick up girls link.

The Pubic Hair Ploy is pick up girls fiction by Russell Twyce

“Excuse me miss,” a restaurant patron flags over a very cute waitress, “I was wondering if your cook wears a hair net.”

“Of course he does.” The hot girl answers in a genial and professional manner. “It’s a regulation.”

“Then maybe this one is a nasal hair.” The man points to his mashed potatoes.

“Ooh!” The girl is suddenly flummoxed and reeling from a mental image of a hair falling from the cook’s hairy nose. “I’m so sorry.”

“Honestly darling,” the diner uses his fork to dig more of the single hair from his meal, “this seems too long to come from a nostril. I’m leaning towards supposing this hair originated in a pubic or an armpit area.” He smiles at the sudden look of mortification on her face. He leans forward om his elbows and whispers in a conspiratorial tone. “Is it one of yours?”

“I shave.” she blurts out before controlling her thoughts.

“That knowledge evokes a pleasant mental image for me.” His eyes favorably access the girl he is trying to pick up and they drift downwards.

“I meant my underarms.” She stammers. The girl subjected to the mind control techniques feels that she is wrong-footed and at least one sentence behind in the exchange.

“This seems to have too much curl to be from an armpit.” He uses one tine of his fork to indicate.

“I shave down there too.” She admits defensively.

“I wish I’d known that peach muffin was being offered.” He chuckles. “I can almost taste it now and I imagine it nearly exploding with gravy. That’s a much more appetizing after shift menu item than roast beef with penis-fur potatoes.”

This mind control fiction on how 2 pick up girls is just a story.

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“Uh.” The young woman’s mind spins a few loops. It has taken her a few seconds too long to realize what food he is talking about and when she finally does, she realizes that she hasn’t reacted in the indignant manner she should have employed. Now it was too late.

“Sit down before you fall down.” He slides a chair out and the girl drops into it.

“I don’t know what to say.” She stammers.

“Then just say yes.”

“Yes?”

“Perfect.” He sees that her hands are both flat on the table, as if to steady herself from toppling off the chair. He sets a friendly hand on one of hers: it is the first touch between them. “So what time will our dessert date begin?”

“I’m not off until nine.” She says but swiftly realizes that it didn’t come out as a brush-off. Instead, it could be interpreted as a confirmation of a date starting at that time. This was just happening all so fast. She looked down at her hand, his friendly gesture had turned into a caress as his finger tips gently played in the crotches between her knuckles. It felt good. Then the young woman laughs and repeats his one especially humorous line. “Penis-fur potatoes!”

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“I’m Dan.” The man says to remove the obstacle of still being strangers. “And from your name tag, I’m guessing that you’re Kelly.” His mind control efforts to accomplish the pick up is nearly done.

“Hi.” She looks up from his friendly hand to his twinkling eyes. His smile reminds her of what his lips wanted to do with her muffin. The pick up guy has planted subliminal mind control to make that thought sexually stimulating for her.

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She waits for him to add another line to his remarkable pick up procedure, but he remains silent. It is as if he has drilled fifteen balls into her mind’s court and is now waiting for her to lob one back. She chooses the physical cue to respond to. She collects up the pick up artist’s hand that has been stroking hers and she holds it.

“I wish we could just go now.” The girl says after a moment. She has been wondering about the offending pubic hair and surmises it is from the cook. He is creepy and undresses her with his eyes. She doesn’t dare to think about what he might’ve been doing that would’ve put a hair in the mashed potatoes.

“Tell them I’m friend and that something has come up.” The guy picking up the girl grins: his mind control mission is all but accomplished. He doesn’t have to ponder on where the hair came from. He already knows. It’s one of his that he intentionally put into his own meal as the first step in his quest to pick up girls.

“Good idea.” The mind controlled girl stood up. “Give me a few minutes to get my jacket and to take the rest of the shift off.”

The End of this How 2 Pick up Girls with Mind Control Fiction

Author’s Notes – I started writing this short mind control fiction story with the intention of it only being a humorous depiction of how to pick up girls. But as I worked on how 2 pick up girls – Pubic Hair Ploy, I stared to like it better on several different levels. At the beginning of this mind control fiction on how to pick up girls, I warned readers that this how to pick up girls was fiction and that it might not work 2 pick up girls. But I have to rescind that. From what I know about mind control, I think the how to pick up girls scenario I presented might actually be effective.

Conversational Hypnosis is the Power to Control Minds

Will you use mind control power to pick up girls?

How to Pick up Girls – Pluck Me

Short Fictional Pick Ups by Russell Twyce

Howie was utterly hopeless at picking up girls. That is even putting his total lack of success at picking up girls mildly. He was worse than pathetic at pick up lines and inept in the extreme at approaching girls. Some people went so far as to suggest that Howie couldn’t get lucky with a girl, if he walked into a whore house with a sack of gold over his shoulder. That might’ve been a bit harsh, albeit likely true, of his inability to get laid.

One thing certainly didn’t assist Howie in his efforts at picking up a girl and that was his name. His non-shortened name of Howard wasn’t exactly ‘babe magnetic’. But the diminutive name of Howie wasn’t any better, it might’ve even been worse at thwarting his effort at picking up girls. To further decrease his chances, his surname was Dudley. Howie Dudley.

Howie’s non-attractive moniker was a result of his mother being overly protective. She believed if she could prevent her son from getting laid, then she wouldn’t ever have to worry about Howie having a wife or girlfriend that she didn’t approve of. So far, her plan was working perfectly. Neither Howie nor his name had yet succeeded at picking up a girl.

Howie’s physical looks were not spectacular either. His ears poked out and he had overly prominent cheekbones that were strewn with freckles: he looked a lot like Howdy Doody. But most reading this won’t know of Howdy-Doody the puppet character from the early age of television, so we’ll leave that alone and stick to Howie’s trying to pick up a girl – ANY girl.

Looks aren’t as important as you might suppose. I could likely teach a male wart hog how to score with a female gazelle.

There is one more thing in the rambling beginning of this how to pick up girls tale that I want to mention. Like many of my stories, this fiction has its roots in fact. I did actually know a guy like this once. His name wasn’t Howard Dudley but we did often call him Howdy Doody and he was renown for his failures at picking up girls. The real life Howie wouldn’t give people a high-five for fear of some harm coming to his only sex partner.

But back to this story about picking up girls. Whether or not Howie could actually pick up a girl in a whorehouse had never been determined because Howie didn’t have the gold. That changed when he won a large prize in the lottery. And that’s really where this story of a unique attempt at picking up a girl begins.

Previously, Howie had heard that the world’s best pick up line was “I have a credit card and I know how to use it”. Up to now though, Howie Dudley hadn’t possessed the requisite credit card. He still didn’t have the credit card, he had applied but had not received it yet. Howdy Doody had better: he now had cash and scads of it.

“Would you like to pluck me?” Howie asked the girl he wanted to pick up.

“That was rude but ineffective.” She replied. The girl was truly hot. She looked similar to the babe above left on the banner image.

“I didn’t ask what you thought you heard.” Howie spoke louder to overcome the nightclub’s music.
“I said, ‘pluck’ me.”

“And is that supposed to make a difference?” The girl scolded with her hands on her hips like a mother threatening to wash a youngster’s mouth out with soap over a dirty word utterance. “I’m sure you meant it the way it sounded at first.”

“No.” Howie began unbuttoning his shirt’s top two buttons. “I mean ‘yes’ it makes a difference because I actually did mean pluck.”

“What are you doing?” The sexy girl reacts to his starting to disrobe. The girl was attired in a skimpy black dress that showed a lot of her body off and were she to take it suddenly off, nobody would mind at all. Howie’s physique was not quite up to that caliber and none really wanted to see it. Especially not the girl he wanted to pick up.

“I have these all over my body, fastened to my skin.” Howie Dudley opened his shirt to show that he had numerous hundred-dollar bills taped to his chest. “If we go and naked together, you can pluck me to your heart’s content. Of course, you will not be able to actually see I’m totally nude, until you’ve completely finished plucking me.”

Did Howie succeed? Is that an excellent method of how to pick up girls?

The dead certain approach to how to pick up a girl

Here is a method of how to pick up girls and as the title says it is foolproof. Actually, I’ll go even further to emphatically state that this way of picking up a girl is a completely certain to work. Unless you are a total wimp, you WILL pick up a girl with this first how to pick up a girl tactic.

How to Pick Up Girls – Method One

Approach the girl you wish to pick up from either the front or the back, coming at a girl from the side, with the intention of picking her up, is not recommended.  Wrap your manly arms around the girl’s waist, squat slightly before you actually pick the girl up, and lift with your legs.  Pushing with your legs when picking up the girl is recommended.  Safety first.  You want to pick the girl up but you don’t want to end up with a back strain.

If you haven’t already guessed from reading method one of how to pick up girls, I’ll confess, this page is for humor only.  If you use the preceding method of picking up girls, without already being her friend, you could end up with a slapped face, a kicked groin, a screaming girl in your arms, and/or worse.

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Now back to my humorous look at the topic of how to pick up girls

How to Pick Up a Girl – Method Two

When you go to her home to pick up a girl for a date, you must be wearing a clean shirt buttoned right up to the neck and if you have a bow tie on, it is even better.  When picking up a girl, you must come equipped with a box of candy in one hand and a bouquet of flowers in the other.

Hmmm, on second thought, this method of picking girls up seems a bit dated.  Perhaps you’re better off following the winggirl’s much better advice on picking up girls.  I’ll give you the link again.

Truthfully, I personally don’t know jack-squat about how to pick up girls.  I count on Adonis for that help.  This page is only a kick off for my new series of ‘How to Pick Up Girls’ short fiction stories.  But I don’t suggest you emulate the pick up efforts in my fiction stories.  They are intended for humor only.  Adonis is the pick up artist you should look to for advice.  Just hang around here for a laugh or two.

Coming Soon – How to Pick Up Girls – Fiction Series